I tried writing words
That felt like sunshine
In this rain.
I tried writing words
Trying to tell the chaos
To calm down in my brain.

I wrote words of hope and love
Telling myself –
That this is what I need to hear.
But how would I hear it
When I’m not ready yet?

Each morning is like I’m stuck
In a video game I can’t get out of.
Each night is full of distorted dreams
Of monster mayhem
And waking up too soon,
Too easily.

So how do I write
An upbeat rhyme
Talking about rainbows
When I can’t see colors
At this point?

I guess then –
That it’s okay to feel
The hollow pit,
The anxiety in my nerves,
The voices that scream
The loudest in my dreams.
It’s okay to have them,
They’re mine after all.
So maybe if I give them space
The hopeful words
May perhaps someday,
Hold some hope
On another rainy day

By Surabhi Pandey

Surabhi Pandey, a former Delhi Doordarshan presenter, is a journalist currently based in Singapore. She is the author of ‘Nascent Wings’ and ‘Saturated Agitation’ and has contributed to over 15 anthologies in English and Hindi in India and Singapore. She writes on topics related to lifestyle and travel and is an active reporter on the tech startup ecosystem in Southeast Asia. She is the editor and founder of The Vent Machine.

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