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Lately, there have been many reports about women making a conscious decision not to have kids. Despite the changing times, bearing a child still seems to be the very definition of womanhood in many sad parts of the world, where a woman is deemed “complete” once she “fulfils her purpose of bearing a life”.
Last I checked it was 2020, and aren’t we as a species supposed to be more evolved than that by now?
Before you get all judgy, let me clarify that I am very much pro-kids and maybe, someday, I’ll have one too. However, I also totally get if someone chooses not to have kids– to each her own. And yes, it is a choice– some people just don’t want kids.
However, this article is not about women choosing not to have kids (you do you, girl!). This article is about those who not only choose to have kids but are also incapable of talking about anything but their kids. This is a real problem. There are online discussions about this with people (including mothers) venting about why some women cannot stop talking about a smiley their kid drew the other day!
Hold on to who you really are
We all have that one friend whose life circulates around her baby. I understand that having a child is a life-changing event– priorities shift and personalities evolve as we embrace motherhood and learn to parent. But, do we have to completely lose ourselves? Does life realy have to be all about said kid’s poop, fart, food and sleep?
Women undergo many physical, biological, emotional and physiological changes in the process of delivering a child. Our appearance, the way people perceive us– everything changes. I strongly feel that amidst all this change, we as women, should hold on to our identity.
Mothers have been put on unrealisticly high pedestals, where in some cultures they are even treated like Goddesses (I won’t argue that though). However, jokes apart, we are not Goddesses. We are human and we should have the freedom to freak out, get exhausted, get fat and demand a break when we need to, even if that break is from being a mum.
Trust me, I have never met a man who is only capable of talking about his kid. That makes me wonder if the real cause behind this is the deep-rooted heteronormative gender bias that is found in all cultures around the world. The mother is expected to care and nurture while the father is expected to provide for his family. Well, this isn’t the 1950s, so women, please chill!
Society is at fault here
Sometimes, this can be because of other reasons than just being over-excited about motherhood. If you observe closely– you will see a pattern. As little girls, they obsess over their fathers, then over their husbands and eventually, over their kids. This pattern is alarming because it hints towards a total lack of identity or self worth.
Across many cultures, especially in Asia, a woman’s entire life can be broadly divided into three milestones:
- Being a dutiful daughter
- Getting married to a fine suitor
- Mothering a child
In many parts of China, unwed women are referred to as “leftovers”. While in many parts of India, if a woman chooses to marry a man she loves, she is murdered in the name of honour.
This brings me back to my original point (yes I do have a point). The fact that some women can’t stop talking about their kids is probably because deep inside, they believe that they are not interesting as themselves and therefore hide behind the shield of motherhood.
I really hope that as we take baby steps towards a more progressive and open world, women will finally be able to embrace themselves for who they are and not what society dictates they should be.
To those mothers out there who just love talking about their kids and disagree with my points above, I have only one thing to say: “No, I don’t want to know what your child did today. Tell me, what you did.”
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