I wrote the following poem because lately I’ve been feeling very disconnected with myself. This, as a result, has affected my mental health. I realized that I have always (in some way or the other) suppressed my emotions. And today it has reached a point when I don’t even know if I’m still doing this or if it has become a part of me that I just cannot express emotions the way I’d want to anymore.

This poem is an attempt for me to try and talk to myself, and more than that listen to myself. I feel that in the kind of lives that we are living, a lot of us go through this time when we just numb down all our feelings in order to be productive. However, it is essential for us to understand that what is most important is to be connected to ourselves.

I hope this poem speaks to you.

Talk to me, please.
It’s been a while
Since I’ve heard your voice,
Since I’ve heard you scream,
Heard you cry
Or laugh the way you would
Everytime that one show would be on TV.

I’ve damaged you
And I don’t know since when.
But now I can’t tell
If I’m ignoring you
Or if you’ve just left.

My hands shake,
My breath is lost
I guess the anxiety
Just wished that you’d call.

And when I walk ahead
With no light on my head,
The cave is too scary
I fall into a bottomless pit.

Maybe I deserve it
Because I never loved you,
Never cared for you –
While the world just took away
The love and care
I was supposed to give you
To not be like this today.

I’m sorry I didn’t listen,
Let’s talk now.
I’m standing in front of the mirror
Ready to hear you out.


By Surabhi Pandey

Surabhi Pandey, a former Delhi Doordarshan presenter, is a journalist currently based in Singapore. She is the author of ‘Nascent Wings’ and ‘Saturated Agitation’ and has contributed to over 15 anthologies in English and Hindi in India and Singapore. She writes on topics related to lifestyle and travel and is an active reporter on the tech startup ecosystem in Southeast Asia. She is the editor and founder of The Vent Machine.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: